stage n 4 a fight

By now most of you have read my FB post regarding my mom and her diagnosis last week. For those of you that don't we found out last Tuesday that my mom has stage 4 lung cancer. When my mom called after the Dr apt. she sounded upbeat and didn't give me many details. After much prodding I was able to get her to tell me that it was stage 4. Wow. Even after all of my dealings with non profits and charity organizations none of the stories you hear can compare to how you feel when they tell you someone you know and love has cancer.
Also for those cancer novices out there, stage IV  cancer means that the cancer has spread to other parts of the body.

James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

You know scripture says that God gives you the strength to get through the trials and at the moment when I got the call.. I was in a great place. Vacation Bible School. Kelly & I had volunteered to be snack preparers for the 170+ kids so needless to say I was kept busy all week at night. Which was a giant blessing and kept my mind from roaming to the stress.

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

This is when Kelly asked me, how are we going to handle this. Do you know what is so funny. about a month ago I was doing my morning bible study and in my notebook I actually wrote how great my blessings were and how I couldn't believe it. That things were just to good. Great Husband, having a beautiful baby girl, great family, great church, great friends..and as of July 5th- great new job. I think I even wrote I am worried for the other shoe to drop....Well I guess the shoe dropped with a loud thump.

So, how to handle this. How does anyone really handle this? Your mom has cancer and to be truthful no amount of worry tears or anger will change that. Well that is when Kelly said something that will stick with me forever.. "You know babe this is your faith journey, your testimony on how faith will get you through. "  That is when I realized that I have to deal with the situation head on and with all outcomes on the table. My mom may fight for her life and beat cancer! My mom may not be able to overcome this and she may lose the battle with cancer. Either way, I have faith that there is a plan and I will have the strength to get through this.

Speaking of my new job, when I gave my notice to go work for Walmart EVERYONE warned me that it was going to be horrible. The long hours, the mean boss, the competitive environment and not to mention the Saturday's you have to work. I really was a little worried going in to it that I was going to have my world rocked.

But through my almost 2 years with Walmart and now my transition over to Sam's I am so blessed to be working for such an amazing company. The Monday after we found out that it was lung cancer I told my boss just to give her a heads up. She asked me if I felt comfortable telling my VP & SVP the circumstances as well. I am a pretty transparent person and wanted everything to be out in the open. After shooting them both a quick email letting them know the situation and how severe it was I got a note from each of them telling me that our family was in their thoughts and prayers. I then was invited in to each one of there offices to talk about the situation.
NEVER have I felt so blessed by my leadership as I did that day. I was told no matter how new to the team I was part of the family and they are here for me just like family. Anything I need just ask. This was also followed by a, "What can I do to support you? How can I help?" I was so touched that I almost cried in the office. I really am so blessed to have such a great support system.. even at work!

Since the diagnosis I have gone through all kinds of emotions. The worst one is guilt. Everyone keeps telling me not to stress, take it easy, and take care of the baby. Do you know how hard that is?
Every time I get a little emotional I fight myself so hard to get the emotions under control. I am sad about what is happening to my mom. I am mad about what is happening to my mom. I am selfish about this whole thing because at 6 months pregnant we are supposed to be picking out the nursery furniture and registering for impractical baby stuff. Then I start worrying about my unborn child and making sure I don't get to worked up. Then I feel guilty for worrying about J and not thinking about my mom. Man, I get tired just writing it all down!

Mom starts Chemo on the week of the 23rd please keep her in your prayers. She has also ran in to some trouble with disability. She doesn't have disability insurance, which is problematic for standard living expenses. The bank she works at is holding a benefit for her next Saturday, July 28th at Delta Trust Bank in Bella Vista. It will be a bake sale and yard sale. If you would like to donate anything please contact:

Tamara Phillips or Jewel Bray
jbray@delta-trust.com
tphillips@delta-trust.com
Delta Trust Bank
C/O Pam Adams Benefit Account
1790 Forest Hills Boulevard
Bella Vista, AR 72715