Friday, June 14, 2013

no more needles

WOW... It has been some week.

Julianna Update:
8 months next week
one tooth has broken the skin
19 pounds

A couple of months ago Julianna started doing this cute thing where she pulled at her clothes, particularly the tummy. We just thought, how cute she doesn't like clothes. 
After it continued and she began to scratch her neck and the scratches were much more frequent that we decided to ask the Dr. about it. He suggested we get her allergy tested.

Tuesday morning we had an appointment at Heldberg Allergy center for J to get her tests. if you are wondering. If you have never had it done it is a very painful experience watching your child be poked and cry out in pain only to be unable to stop the pain. I told Julie (MIL) that I am so thankful that God has blessed us with a relatively healthy baby.  I need to pray more for parents and families that are struck with illnesses that are threatening the lives of their child.

Anyway, the office was very nice and extremely helpful with everything. Even when they stuck her they were so apologetic. They did 3 "panels" on Julianna's back, one for food related, one for animal, and one for outdoor items, each containing 8 items that could cause a reaction.

I think one of the worst parts was they had her face me as they pressed the needles in to her back. Oh, my goodness! They sweet little face with those big tears are enough to break my heart. I am telling you, if she could have talked I would have bought her whatever she wanted.

After review the test, they confirmed she has a pretty significant case of eczema and that is the reason for the red splotchy skin and her itching. When they reviewed the reaction it said mainly eggs and milk. They Dr. told me to cut down my dairy intake, the problem is... I don't eat a lot. We drink almond milk, I don't eat eggs unless they are cooked in something. They did find it interesting that she showed a reaction to the control test, which made them wonder if it was due to the eczema.
This led to a recommendation of a blood test to confirm what, if any, she is allergic to.

Wednesday was the blood test. They first tried her arm. After another loud scream and two sticks they couldn't find her vein. Next up they tried the ankle, where they only got one of the 10 cc's they needed. While she was screaming I noticed the nurse scoping out my babies head... I knew they were going for her head next. Poor Julie, this whole time she is crying and trying not to pass out at the sight of blood.
The nurse then told me the would have to strap her down and this really was the only option since J is so, "well Loved"- read: Chubby, that the couldn't find a good vein. I wanted to stay with her, but they told me I had to sit on the bench on the other side of the room, but couldn't hold her hand. At this point the other nurse told us we should probably go to the waiting room. I made the decision to leave, due to the fact that couldn't even touch her and all I could do in there was watch her suffer. It was really hard to go out to the waiting room and listen to her cry, but even more traumatic when they brought her out and she gave me a sad lip with the, can't catch my breath because I have been crying so hard whimper.

Now we wait...ten whole days to get the results.

On a much brighter note they gave us a prescription for lotion for J's skin and after 2 days I can see a huge difference. This is what they mean when they say baby soft!


Sunday, June 9, 2013

real at your own risk

Hard to believe how easy it is to slack on blogging! I really wanted to use this to document Julianna's life and milestones....but then again life happened and blogging didn't. So tonight as I am feeling extra emotional and need to write I am pumping so I can justify sitting still and writing to clear my heard.
Baby J update:
7 1/2 months old 18 pounds wearing 6-9month clothes mainly 9
Paper towels and looking at her reflection in the mirror

Teething! being put in the car seat

Anything that goes in her mouth and her jumper

Rolls all over the place both sides, babbles and can push off her feet to crawling position

I miss my mom. It has been 6 months since I lost her to lung cancer and today was the day when it came to a strong realization how hard it is without your mom. I realize I am incredibly blessed with a rock star mother in law and wouldn't trade her for anything, but there are some days when I go to pick up the phone to call mom and want to talk about Julianna, work or life in general only to have to hang up the phone without that affirmation that it is all going to be ok. I think it is like a mom code or something programed in to their DNA where they just know when you are hurting and try to help better the situation. Today would have been that day for me.

I knew it was going to be a rough day since J was sooo exhausted from Kaylee's wedding Friday night. She woke up and was in a decent mood until right before swim lessons when she had a complete meltdown and proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs for the entire ride to the gym and then even still as I unbuckled her and (all the while the snotty blond in the bmw next to me is staring at me like I am the worst mother ever- more on this later) proceeded to the gym.  She locked it up for about 20 minutes of the lesson, and then chose to breakdown.  Yep, I am the mom with the screaming kid that everyone looks and I silently chanting take her out of here!

Since her tooth broke through I thought that may be the reason for the constant state of tears so I promptly headed to Walmart. Turns out that Tylenol wires my daughter like a crack addict and she was a hot mess for the remainder of the day. which leads me to why I could really use my mom on a day like today. When she is sooo fussy and I really don't know what to do to calm her down or make it better.

confession: I have a really hard time when J cries. I know, I know everyone does, but mine is a mixture of concern and panic. Where if it last more than a few minutes I know people are like seriously lady, handle you kid!  I then know they are judging me and totally critiquing everything I do wrong. I think I feel this way because I try SO SO hard to have it all under control and taken care of that when she flips out like that people look at me like I don't have my stuff together. Again, this would be the time I could call my mom and vent about all the tings I am dealing with and have her there to make me feel better about the whole situation and reassure me that I am doing a good job. Positive affirmations never hurt anyone.

I also realize how much I didn't know about my milestones. I have no clue when I crawled, walked to talked. I do know though that I am constantly worried about where J is and where she is supposed to be. I think most of this is Kelly and he is constantly asking when she is supposed to be doing what which then leads to more stress because it always fall back on me and if I missed something.

Please know I love being a mom and wouldn't trade it for anything, but when you become a mom it sure makes you realize what yours did and how big of a load they carried.

Next up: FEAR..