Wednesday, July 18, 2012

stage n 4 a fight

By now most of you have read my FB post regarding my mom and her diagnosis last week. For those of you that don't we found out last Tuesday that my mom has stage 4 lung cancer. When my mom called after the Dr apt. she sounded upbeat and didn't give me many details. After much prodding I was able to get her to tell me that it was stage 4. Wow. Even after all of my dealings with non profits and charity organizations none of the stories you hear can compare to how you feel when they tell you someone you know and love has cancer.
Also for those cancer novices out there, stage IV  cancer means that the cancer has spread to other parts of the body.

James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

You know scripture says that God gives you the strength to get through the trials and at the moment when I got the call.. I was in a great place. Vacation Bible School. Kelly & I had volunteered to be snack preparers for the 170+ kids so needless to say I was kept busy all week at night. Which was a giant blessing and kept my mind from roaming to the stress.

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

This is when Kelly asked me, how are we going to handle this. Do you know what is so funny. about a month ago I was doing my morning bible study and in my notebook I actually wrote how great my blessings were and how I couldn't believe it. That things were just to good. Great Husband, having a beautiful baby girl, great family, great church, great friends..and as of July 5th- great new job. I think I even wrote I am worried for the other shoe to drop....Well I guess the shoe dropped with a loud thump.

So, how to handle this. How does anyone really handle this? Your mom has cancer and to be truthful no amount of worry tears or anger will change that. Well that is when Kelly said something that will stick with me forever.. "You know babe this is your faith journey, your testimony on how faith will get you through. "  That is when I realized that I have to deal with the situation head on and with all outcomes on the table. My mom may fight for her life and beat cancer! My mom may not be able to overcome this and she may lose the battle with cancer. Either way, I have faith that there is a plan and I will have the strength to get through this.

Speaking of my new job, when I gave my notice to go work for Walmart EVERYONE warned me that it was going to be horrible. The long hours, the mean boss, the competitive environment and not to mention the Saturday's you have to work. I really was a little worried going in to it that I was going to have my world rocked.

But through my almost 2 years with Walmart and now my transition over to Sam's I am so blessed to be working for such an amazing company. The Monday after we found out that it was lung cancer I told my boss just to give her a heads up. She asked me if I felt comfortable telling my VP & SVP the circumstances as well. I am a pretty transparent person and wanted everything to be out in the open. After shooting them both a quick email letting them know the situation and how severe it was I got a note from each of them telling me that our family was in their thoughts and prayers. I then was invited in to each one of there offices to talk about the situation.
NEVER have I felt so blessed by my leadership as I did that day. I was told no matter how new to the team I was part of the family and they are here for me just like family. Anything I need just ask. This was also followed by a, "What can I do to support you? How can I help?" I was so touched that I almost cried in the office. I really am so blessed to have such a great support system.. even at work!

Since the diagnosis I have gone through all kinds of emotions. The worst one is guilt. Everyone keeps telling me not to stress, take it easy, and take care of the baby. Do you know how hard that is?
Every time I get a little emotional I fight myself so hard to get the emotions under control. I am sad about what is happening to my mom. I am mad about what is happening to my mom. I am selfish about this whole thing because at 6 months pregnant we are supposed to be picking out the nursery furniture and registering for impractical baby stuff. Then I start worrying about my unborn child and making sure I don't get to worked up. Then I feel guilty for worrying about J and not thinking about my mom. Man, I get tired just writing it all down!

Mom starts Chemo on the week of the 23rd please keep her in your prayers. She has also ran in to some trouble with disability. She doesn't have disability insurance, which is problematic for standard living expenses. The bank she works at is holding a benefit for her next Saturday, July 28th at Delta Trust Bank in Bella Vista. It will be a bake sale and yard sale. If you would like to donate anything please contact:

Tamara Phillips or Jewel Bray
Delta Trust Bank
C/O Pam Adams Benefit Account

1790 Forest Hills Boulevard
Bella Vista, AR 72715


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

praying for pam- Diagnosis

Have you ever had that moment where you honestly don't know what to do? Nothing really processes in your brain and you can't formulate a coherant sentence of thought. Well this afternoon.. I have had that.

My mom called right at 530 to tell me how the Dr. apt went. She sounded so up beat and positive I was pretty excited. She had made the choice. The choice to fight. She told me that she was going straight to chemo and was going to be included on a clinical trial. She told me that she had decided to wear scarves instead of wigs and she was going to fight this. She also told me that she wasn't going to go back to work.. This concerned me for the fact that she really could use something to keep her mind busy. She said the Dr. Advised her not to go back to work since the treatments were going to take a lot out of her. After I hung up I realized I didn't ask her what stage it was or more of the important questions. So I called my aunt who has been amazing and taken her to all the dr apts. My aunt gave me the hard facts. She was told not to go back to work due to the fact that it was stage four cancer and she would probably not be bale to do much of anything. Stage four.... I then had that feeling of everything sounded like it was underwater. So many questions.. How bad is stage 4? What do I neeed to mentally prepare myself for? how will she have Insurance? What is the success rate of stage 4? If she can't go to work how will she pay her bills? Can I go to the Dr apts or will that be bad for the baby? HOW WILL WE GET THROUGH THIS? Well I will get through this the same way I get through everything else. Pray. There is nothing that I can do to fix this as hard as it is for me to accept.. I can't and no amount of worrying will make the news any better and it won't make the pain go away. I couldn't imagined what being 6 moths pregnant would be like, but I also never would have thought is would be planning a baby nursery as well as trying to figure out how to cope with my mom having cancer. I ask that if you believe in the power of prayer you pray for our family, pray for the doctors, pray for healing, pray for peace as we try to handle this financially, pray for my stress level, pray for peace for my mom and the will to fight this. I am so blessed to be having a baby and pray that my mom is able to experience this in November.


Saturday, July 7, 2012

Praying for Pam...We need it

I received an update on my mom yesterday... not what we were hoping for.

I had called her a couple of times over Thursday and Friday and she didn't return my calls. Friday afternoon she sent me a text to call her when I got home. Which caused a little alarm, but not much. I then got a text from my Aunt saying to call her and my uncle prior to talking to my mom.. yeah... that is definitely not a good sign.

My Uncle called to break the news to me as he figured it was going to be hard for me to process and hard for her to talk about...

The Dr. informed her on Friday that the results from the biopsy were an advanced stage of lung cancer. When we originally thought it was some type of fungal infection due to the fact that the spots were all over her lung, but turns out all those spots were cancer.

I am still in shock.. I mean my parents are only in there early 50's. I didn't think you had to deal with things like this for another 10 years. I haven't really been willing to talk much about. Kelly says that I am in denial. Which may be true, but I am trying to remain calm and not let myself stress of over  everything or analyze all the possibilities.

I am posting this to ask for your prayers. Prayers for my mom and our family.. this diagnosis comes on the heels of my grandma's diagnosis of cancer, so between that me being 6 months pregnant and now mom our family has some big things going on right now.
We could really use some prayers to get through this.


Sunday, July 1, 2012

Boppy's and Bumbo's and bottles...OH MY

I told someone at work yesterday that if one more person asked me if I felt her move yet I may scream. Not because I hate that someone is caring and asking about my sweet little baby girl, but because I haven't felt her move and when I tell people the honest truth they all look at me and give me a pity look usually accompanied with a, "REALLY? WOW! I felt him or her at ____ weeks" or something to that extent. Now I know that all of these sweet people have no malicious intent with this, but have you met me?? You can't say stuff like that to this kid!

So for weeks and weeks I have said prayers to feel her move and for weeks no avail. I was talking to my sweet friend Nancy the other day and I told her that pregnancy has been my greatest test of my faith. I say that because never have I felt so helpless and no matter how much I worry about it, nothing will change. So I really have to rely on my faith to get me through. Faith that everything will turn out the way it is supposed to... without my worrying.

Yesterday I came home and decided to lie down prior to meeting Ali, Jason and Kelly to go to a friend of ours going away party. Well as I was drifting in and out of sleep I swear I felt these little muscle twitches.. I kept questioning if that was her?

Well only my precious angel decides to make her kicking debut the morning I decide to get a massage! I know, I prayed for this and I know I am so very excited to have this, but it does make me wonder if this is a telling sign of things to come.

                Ergo Baby for Petunia Pickle Bottom Organic Baby Carrier - Peaceful PortofinoVS   .Product Details

I don't want to become the girl that is all baby all the time, but I do want to know... HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS. Kelly and I went to register last weekend and wow. We had no clue where to even start. We had a hard enough time trying to decide where to even register. We did find this awesome site called where you can just add things from all over the web and not have to be committed to one specific site.

When it came to actually registering though... I needed to know what was actually needed and what wasn't. So I did what I always do.. Research and start asking my all-knowing friends. I bought baby bargains and that has been very helpful when we look at cribs and car seat and the safety ratings,

but I am still so overwhelmed.... Let's start with cribs.

Do we buy an expensive crib that can convert or do we go with a cheaper one that may or may not last as long?
baby furniture warehouse

What about the rest of the furniture? Should be buy nice that can grow with JMC or do a little bit cheaper and upgrade later?

Glider Vs. Rocker?
Do you get a standard rocking type chair with some minimal  padding or do we do a glider that is like a recliner but much prettier?

Then I don't even know where to begin on the whole bottle thing? Breast Pump- forget about it.

Travel system? Diapers? Strollers? Is there a secret mom manual out there?