Tuesday, July 10, 2012

praying for pam- Diagnosis

Have you ever had that moment where you honestly don't know what to do? Nothing really processes in your brain and you can't formulate a coherant sentence of thought. Well this afternoon.. I have had that.

My mom called right at 530 to tell me how the Dr. apt went. She sounded so up beat and positive I was pretty excited. She had made the choice. The choice to fight. She told me that she was going straight to chemo and was going to be included on a clinical trial. She told me that she had decided to wear scarves instead of wigs and she was going to fight this. She also told me that she wasn't going to go back to work.. This concerned me for the fact that she really could use something to keep her mind busy. She said the Dr. Advised her not to go back to work since the treatments were going to take a lot out of her. After I hung up I realized I didn't ask her what stage it was or more of the important questions. So I called my aunt who has been amazing and taken her to all the dr apts. My aunt gave me the hard facts. She was told not to go back to work due to the fact that it was stage four cancer and she would probably not be bale to do much of anything. Stage four.... I then had that feeling of everything sounded like it was underwater. So many questions.. How bad is stage 4? What do I neeed to mentally prepare myself for? how will she have Insurance? What is the success rate of stage 4? If she can't go to work how will she pay her bills? Can I go to the Dr apts or will that be bad for the baby? HOW WILL WE GET THROUGH THIS? Well I will get through this the same way I get through everything else. Pray. There is nothing that I can do to fix this as hard as it is for me to accept.. I can't and no amount of worrying will make the news any better and it won't make the pain go away. I couldn't imagined what being 6 moths pregnant would be like, but I also never would have thought is would be planning a baby nursery as well as trying to figure out how to cope with my mom having cancer. I ask that if you believe in the power of prayer you pray for our family, pray for the doctors, pray for healing, pray for peace as we try to handle this financially, pray for my stress level, pray for peace for my mom and the will to fight this. I am so blessed to be having a baby and pray that my mom is able to experience this in November.


1 comment:

wittywifey said...

We don't really know each other that will, but I feel like you are half-family. We will be praying for you daily, and if we can help, let us know!