Friday, November 12, 2010

Emotional Basket Case.. yep there is a group for it on Facebook...

So I wrote the post for the last entry on MONDAY. then today I realize.. I never posted my Monday musings!

Today is going to be a ranting of sorts so please forgive me.

This week has been a really tough week. I think I am on estrogen over load! I have not cried this much in quite possibly years!

It started off bad when I got in a minor fender bender at the beginning of the week. To make matters worse it was with my BIL who has a case of the OCD and it is heightened when it comes to his car. When Kelly found out about the car he was soo angry and told me that however much it cost it was coming out of my girls weekend trip. This caused me to break down. Now, I get that actions have consequences, but at the same time I have been looking forward to this trip for such a long time. Then BIL took his car for estimates.. he took it to 3 and they were all around 1k mine was over 600. UGH! I had a full on break down as I was driving down the road on my way back from the body shop. Not only did it break my heart about the girls trip, but also that is a whole lot of money to me... I feel like that is a whole lot of money to anyone, but is a big ole student loan payment for me!

I find someone that is a friend of a friend that runs a shop who is approved by our insurance, he told me he could fix mine not through insurance for 400, but BIL was still 1k so we decide to just file a claim.
There are a few other things I have going on right now and as much as I would like to share the whole story I am just not able to write about it at the moment. I am just very stressed and having a hard time with things. I continue to repeat Proverbs 3:3 & 3:5-6 and I know that God has a plan for me and my life, but sometimes it really is hard to muddle through and see the big picture. Then I think maybe I am not meant to see the big picture. I am supposed to just walk by faith. Today at work a co-worker was talking about a special she had seen on tv. It was about the writers of tv shows. The writer said that when she started writing the story line she already knew what the series finally was going to be. Do you think that is what our lives are supposed to be like? God has the script and the cast already lined up and knows what the series finally is before he even starts? I am choosing to go with this thought, some how it brings me some comfort.

The hubs is really stressed right now. Which makes me really stressed. Last night he told me I make his life harder. This crushed me. I tried really hard not to cry. Really hard. I bit my lip and walked in to the closet and sat down and cried. Yes it is a random place, but my MIL uses that as her place and I figure she has things figured out pretty well I will follow this example. So I sat there and cried and prayed.
I know that sometimes a comment like this would have just rolled right off, but after the week I have had it didn't it hurt and I spent a good 45 minutes crying in the closet. With that being said when you are saying prayers.. any sent my way would be appreciated.

To lighten to mood after my ranting...... And while we are getting personal I noticed these things about myself today:

1. I feel guilty if I use paper towels over the hand dryer. Some days I just want to reach for a paper towel, but the little voice in my head tells me to, "save a tree use a paper towel"

2. I pick out my underwear and socks. To the point that I will dig through the drawers and put pairs back if I'm not "feelin it"

3. I kiss Callaway good bye and tell him I love him when I leave the house

4. I don't know how to take compliments. A guy at work told me he saw my picture in Citiscapes for Komen and then in something else for Make-A-Wish and I didn't know how to say thank you for some reason.

5. Sometimes if I really like the shoes I have on for the day I get sassy. Today they are patent leather & a shade of red-which should equate to a good day right?



erin f. said...

This made me feel sad...I am so sorry for you bad week. I hope that next week is better!

Jenni K said...

I feel so behind on your life! I hate it. Call me to chat so we can stay in touch while I'm gone. I'm usually just sitting on the couch and nursing....really.

Anonymous said...

I am always here to talk. period.